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Gmail is a Fucking Kunt Whore

Google, with their cute name, is as much of a disease as is Apple, who can’t make up their fucking minds about what cute name they should fucking use.

Gmail is a great example of Google spreading too thin. They are all so fucking worried about learning trick pool or fucking ass-pong that they don’t do their fucking jobs and improve products. And seeing as how everything in the computer industry is a “follow the leader” story—where “leader” is defined by the most number of hits emanating from the Mac Book Semi’s owned by Starbuck’s Baristas—I’m not even going to bother trying another service.

The first problem with KuntMail is that it is impossible to find a fucking message. I can write myself an email that says “Google is a fucking ass donkey shit fucker”, and then I search for “fuck”, and that message doesn’t show up in the results. What the fuck (literally!)? I know those cock wanking nerds know from searching for porn in between foozball tournaments that it’s important to be able to search for word fragments, like “masturbat” to cover “masturbate”, “masturbates”, “masturbating”, and “masturbation”. You think to yourself, “Maybe these donkey-shitting fucks like Linux/DOS style wildcards, like fuck*.” Yeah right. The shit that is Thunderbird can find messages that Gmail can’t.

Okay. So there are no “folders”, but there are labels, which is a good way to confuse the shit out of yourself, just like “tags”—hey, it doesn’t matter what the fuck categorization method you use, they are all confusing and don’t help you find shit unless you memorize the rules you set for yourself. So there’s no advantage here. Sure, archive everything—but good luck finding it. Spam protection? My ass. I get false positives just like with every other system. So what’s the fucking advantage? Nothing. Not a fucking thing.

GoonMail shirt

Do a Google image search for "gmail sucks".

And then there’s the “if the subject is the same, the message must be part of the same conversation”. Fat chance in hell—how many people do *you* know that reply to your last email because they are too fucking lazy to type? So then unrelated messages end up lumped together, and since you can’t search for shit anyway, you’ll never find it. You may as well stab your balls with an icepick and go ride a fucking tricycle to work.

The worst thing of all is that, if you try to use the Gmail SMTP server for another account, Gmail conveniently takes fucking possession of the god damn message. The result? You may as well have sent it from Gmail in the first place. What’s the fucking point?  Is this going to stop spammers? “Fuck, I tried to relay some spam and now my account is ruined!” Somebody please fucking tell me what the fucking point is.

Conclusion?  Gmail is free. There’s plenty of space to store every fucking forward about ugly girls’ asses that you get. You also get an unsercheable database, stupid “lab” features that are totally useless, labels that don’t help at all, an SMTP server you can’t use for any other account, and a bloated user interface with ads all over it which isn’t smart enough to track packages for tracking numbers it finds in your email address. Most of these issues you can bypass by using your own email client. I like Opera, even thought it’s tough to get used to the fact that your email and browser are in the same window.

One Comment

  1. I hate my new apple computer with a passion! I couldn’t get rid of that piece of junk faster than I bought it. Everyone’s saying buy an apple computer buy an apple computer they’re so much better! Bull shit! Hasn’t made a fu7ken difference. Caused a shit tonne of headaches and wasting my time, to do the most simple mundane tasks! Give me the bloody windows pc any day at least the email works and I can find videos and don’t need to convert them. Normal pdf files. PS Apple computer take my piece of junk away! Never again! Kunts! Put a baseball through you fukn pricks!!!

    Posted on 11-Aug-15 at 00:02 | Permalink

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